A handy guide to euphemisms for use in the TV industry
It is often necessary to report unpalatable facts to colleagues, superiors and clients.
The direct approach has been known to cause offence.
If the right euphemism is used to convey the information,
then the recipients have time to come to terms with the full horror of the situation
while they slowly work out what exactly it is you are talking about.
This is not an exclusive list,
there are bound to be euphemisms, which we have missed.
If you have heard any good ones recently (or maybe used one yourself)
which you think should be on this page, then please e-mail them to euphemisms.control@wmvp.co.uk
General Euphemisms |
|
Euphemism |
Meaning |
|
Freelance |
Can’t get a job |
|
Staff |
Can’t hack it as a freelancer |
|
Fixed term contract |
Neither staff nor freelance, but taking the worst aspects of both. I.E. Low pay and no job security |
|
Experienced |
No Qualifications |
|
Qualified |
No experience |
|
Young and talented |
No experience or qualifications but a bit dishy |
|
Experienced and qualified |
Wants too much money |
|
Experienced, qualified and talented |
Wants far too much money |
|
There is a training requirement |
Complete idiots can’t do their jobs properly |
|
Leave your mobile on |
I don’t trust that you have done what you should have done. |
|
Performance review |
Not firing badly paid people who are crap at their jobs, because at least they are cheap |
|
Automation |
Firing well paid people who are good at their jobs (or not hiring them in the first place), because mindless robots are cheaper, though not necessarily any less temperamental. |
|
Perfectionist |
Pain in the arse |
Technical Euphemisms |
|
Euphemism |
Meaning |
|
What time did it start? |
I don’t believe you |
|
It’s fine leaving us |
It must be your problem, and I don’t want to help you |
|
As I said, “It’s fine leaving us” |
Can’t you sort it out? I really don’t want to get involved in your inability to pick up the feed. I suspect that your equipment is not even plugged in you moron. |
|
It’s fine leaving us, I’ve Just checked but I’ll check again and get back to you |
Hell! I’ve just realised that it was our fault after all. You will have the feed by the time I call you back. |
|
As incoming |
It might be complete trash, but it’s not our fault and we can’t do anything about it anyway. |
|
“line up” time |
A vital piece of equipment is not working |
|
Power-cycle |
Switch off in disgust and try again |
|
We’re investigating |
We don’t have a clue what’s going on |
|
There should be some documentation |
The people who set it all up and know how it works are no longer available, but with unlimited time, determination and genius it might be possible to work it out |
|
We are working on the documentation |
Nobody knows how this works and that knowledge will never be regained |
|
Outage |
A period of total and utter failure |
|
All seems fine now |
I haven’t got a clue why it went wrong, or why it started working again but I desperately hope that it won’t go wrong again. |
|
This needs to be looked at |
…but not by me if I can avoid it |
|
We need a re-feed |
We messed up recording the feed and now we are in trouble |
|
Digital error |
Wrong button(s) pressed |
|
Visible compression artefacts |
Very crappy pictures |
|
This needs ARCing |
The picture is the wrong shape |
|
No fault found |
We suspect that you have reported a non-existent fault in order to deflect attention away from your “digital error” |
|
Air gap |
A vital cable not plugged in |
Production Euphemisms |
|
Euphemism |
Meaning |
|
Dahling! |
Oh no, not you again.. |
|
We’ll fix it in the edit |
I can’t believe how badly this shoot is going. |
|
“……. in the second series” |
The crew wish there had not even been a first one. Please sack the commissioning editor. |
|
Daytime Programming |
Nobody watching, nobody cares |
|
Reality |
Avoidance of the need for creative input. |
|
Edgey |
Sloppy technique. |
|
Experimental |
No prospect of success |
|
Makeover show |
Wrecking perfectly good places with MDF. |
|
Band performance |
Lipsync mime to a backing track |
|
Once again please |
That take was crap, but probably as good as we are going to get. You have one chance to prove me wrong |
|
Phone Vote |
A cynical tax on stupidity collected through your telephone bill. |
|
Virtual Studio |
No budget for a set |
|
Quality Drama |
Soap Opera |
|
Why haven’t you previewed it? |
F***ing bitch! I hate you. Why don’t you do your job? |
|
F***ing bitch! F***ing bitch! I never want her on my show ever again. |
Could you please remind Ms H. that before leaving she should wait for a “clear”. (True story) |